


Throwing Knives can be Fun

by Cerillen



Series: Chronicles of an Anxious Protector [11]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: And Thomas is both concerned and amused, And Virgil only gets worse from there when Patton is involved, And Virgil trusts him way too much, BTW, Deceit and Virgil are both ridiculous, Gen, It's the Utensil War, Logan is just so done with literally everything, Patton has no chill, Patton is even worse, Roman really isn't helping either, as always
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 13:50:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15050513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerillen/pseuds/Cerillen
Summary: Patton takes a game just a step too far...





	Throwing Knives can be Fun

**Author's Note:**

> Read this first: https://an-anxious-asexual-otaku.tumblr.com/post/174593221864/2-virgil-to-deceit  
> It's the post that inspired this entire mess.

One day, Virgil is sitting on the couch, minding his own business.

When, suddenly, something comes flying straight at his face.

He catches it without thinking and takes a moment to just stare at the offending object in his hand.

It's a fork.

"What?"

Then he hears snickers coming from the direction of the kitchen and narrows his eyes.

"Are you seriously throwing forks at me?"

"No."

Said the voice from the kitchen before another fork was quickly tossed in his direction.

It hit him gently on the side before bouncing onto the couch and Virgil stood up to face the bowler hat peeking up from the kitchen window.

"You trying to start something, Ekans?"

Then the bowler hat rose and Deceit stood before him with his hands full of forks and a toothy grin on his face.

"Absolutely not."

Virgil grinned back, preparing himself to get his own ammo from the kitchen.

And things quickly devolved from there.

* * *

Quite some time later, Patton came out of his room to see about getting a snack when he heard the sounds of shouting and banging in the common area.

He frowned and quickly made his way downstairs.

And what he saw made him instantly freeze in shock.

Deceit was laying on the dining room table, his hands filled with forks, hissing at Virgil.

And Virgil was stood on a small mountain of chairs across the room, grinning like a super villain, as he cackled and waved around his own two handfuls of spoons.

Meanwhile, the utensils seemed to have taken over the room completely.

On the floor, on the couch, on every single available surface within the space.

Forks and spoons.

"What is this?"

Patton's almost mystified voice halted the strange game the two had been playing and they both stared at him in shock for a moment before reacting at almost exactly the same time.

"He started it!"

The two shouted while gesturing their utensil laden hands at each other. 

Then Virgil coughed, hopped off of his mountain of chairs, dropped his utensils, and waved a hand towards the mess.

And wisps of shadows started flying around the room, picking up all of the fallen utensils, and returning them back to the kitchen where they belonged.

Deceit also dropped his utensils to be picked up by the shadows and slid quickly off of the table, moving away after a moment to let the shadows return the chairs to their rightful places as well.

Virgil didn't often use this ability, as it tended to make the shadows a bit more excitable than usual and harder to control when he was working later, but he couldn't actually tell what Patton was thinking right at the moment so he was willing to deal with the backlash in return for not having to face the father figure's possible wrath.

For a moment, everything was quiet as the shadows quickly finished their work and dissipated back into thin air.

Then Virgil finally couldn't take it anymore, and spoke.

"Um, Pat?"

And Patton blinks rapidly, as though awaking from a trance, and turns his gaze to look at Virgil directly.

"Did you guys just have a utensil war?"

Virgil and Deceit both flinch at the words and share a quick unsure glance between themselves.

"Um, no?"

Deceit's lie sounds more like a question than a statement and Virgil wonders what Patton is thinking as he stares at the two of them blankly.

Then the moral side starts to smile and Virgil suddenly knows **exactly** what he is thinking.

And he is **terrified**.

"Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to join you then."

Virgil takes a couple quick steps over to Deceit who is also starting to realize exactly what's happening and is also suitably terrified.

"Cus' you guys are missing a certain utensil from your match."

Virgil has reached Deceit and the reptilian side is already reaching for him as Patton summons up handfuls of the aforementioned missing utensil and smiles at them as sweetly as ever, an excited gleam to his eyes.

"Knives!"

And Deceit and Virgil both start to scream as the stronger side picks the lying side up and starts to sprint around the room while Patton starts to cackle as he throws **KNIVES** at them.

Virgil eventually manages to reach the stairs and runs up them, still screaming.

Deceit continues to scream as well, as they sprint past everyone's bedrooms.

Alerting the other two sides of **something** going on in the hallway.

Logan opens his door to see what all the commotion is about.

Only to see Virgil sprinting down the hall past him with Deceit in his arms, both of them screaming.

Then Patton also sprints past, still throwing knives, cackling like a madman.

Logan blinks and then just shuts his door.

For a moment, he stands in his room, staring at nothing in particular as he tries to process what was happening in the hallway behind him.

Then he sighs a most long suffering sigh and sets about putting everything on his desk away for the day.

He didn't know **what** was happening out there, but he didn't **need** to know to already feel exhausted by it.

He was going to take a break before things really started to get out of hand.

Roman also opens his door to see what the commotion is about and screams when a knife is sent flying only inches past his face.

There's a gasp from Patton and then a round of absolutely terrifying giggles.

"Yay! More toys to play with!"

His words are both innocent and ominous and Roman is too scared and confused to react properly.

Lucky for him, Virgil is quick on his feet.

"Nope!"

He shouts out before quickly picking up Roman as well and continuing to run down the endless hallway.

Patton giggles again and the two on his shoulders give full body shivers.

"No! Don't run!" He whines in a way that's a little too cheerful to be truly innocent. "Come back and play with me!"

Then knives are being thrown again and the screams, now with the addition of a third, return as Virgil sprints onward.

The chase lasts for quite some time.

Until the worst possible scenario finally happens.

Virgil gets cornered.

After valiantly saving the other two from the same fate by shoving them into a closet moments beforehand, Patton approaches him with an impossibly wide grin on his face.

The knives gleam in his hands and Virgil wonders idly if he should bother trying to get away or not.

He'd been pretty sure this whole time that Patton wouldn't **actually** hurt any of them with those knives, but the adrenaline rushing through his system and the expression on his best friend's face was really starting to make him question that.

Then Patton launched several knives at him at once and Virgil is also pretty sure that he can’t **actually** die from a physical injury but he’s also pretty sure that this is the moment when he dies.

And then he kind of just sits there for a second in confusion when nothing actually happens to him.

"What?"

And then Patton is laughing even more than before and Virgil is **so** confused until he picks up one of the knives and realizes that Patton had tricked them all from the start.

The knives were plastic and dull.

They'd looked so real, he'd never bothered to question it.

But, apparently, he should have.

And then Virgil starts laughing too, unable to resist at this point, and they’re both dying on the floor while leaning against each other and shaking from the force of their guffaws.

Then Roman and Deceit come out of the closet to figure out **why** the two had been laughing so much for so long.

And Patton just looks at Virgil and Virgil instantly knows what he has to do.

So he stands up wielding a handful of knives and grins in the craziest way he can, which is absolutely terrifying because he’s Anxiety and he knows how to look scary better than anyone else, and just says one thing in the scariest and most warped version of his voice possible.

_**“RUN”** _

And the two instantly scramble to escape as Patton starts cackling once again, yelling for them to come back so they can play together.

And that was already scary before but now Virgil is also sprinting alongside him and booming with his own terrifying evil laughter and the two being chased can't help but lament the loss of their protector turned pursuer as they try not to die.

Meanwhile, Logan is in the kitchen as everyone else continues to run around the house frantically.

He ignores the screams of Roman and Deceit as he makes some tea for himself and doesn’t even blink when all four of them scramble into the commons for a moment.

"LOGAN!"

The two 'victims' shriek as they sprint towards him.

He remains still as they collapse behind him on the couch, gasping for breathe as they try to keep him in between them and the two standing on the other side of the room.

"Save us!"

Roman quickly huffs into his shoulder.

He takes a moment to raise an eyebrow at Virgil in question.

And, when the Anxious side snorts and shrugs at him, he rises up from his position on the couch and turns to face the two still huddled upon it.

They stare at him with big eyes as he summons his own set of knives and gives them his most intimidating smirk.

"I don't think you two realize the position you're in right now."

And then the two on the couch scramble away.

"BETRAYAL!"

Roman screams as he and Deceit sprint back towards the hallway.

Virgil snorts again as Patton starts cackling and chasing after them once more.

"Thanks, Logan."

He gives the Logical side a quick salute alongside a slightly crooked smile.

Logan smiles as well and gives a simple nod of his head, dissipating the summoned knives at the same time.

"Of course. Have fun, Virgil."

The other's grin turns slightly more menacing before he simply turns away and disappears up the stairs in a blur of black and purple.

Then Logan returns to his seat and continues to wait patiently for the game to eventually end.

The game does last for a while after that until eventually Deceit just gives up and throws himself at Virgil.

The anxious side catches him easily, but almost pokes him in the gut with some of the knives he’s holding as he does so.

Then Deceit declares that he now owes him some cake and cuddles for being so terrifying the entire time and Virgil just laughs and leaves Patton and Roman to finish the game themselves while he carries the danger noodle back to the common area to relax on the couch with Logan and watch some history channel shows.

Eventually, Roman decides to end the game by dramatically dying in the common area while Patton tosses knives at him, giggling the entire time.

It turns out, Roman and Deceit had realized pretty quickly after Virgil **also** started throwing knives that they were fake, because they knew that the anxious side would never do something that could actually cause them harm.

Also, he had better aim than Patton so it was pretty easy to figure it out when the knives were just harmlessly pinging off of them.

And then everyone kind of just collapses into a pile on the couch and switches to watching lilo and stitch.

And Patton eventually makes a chocolate cake later that day for Deceit and makes Roman's favorite food for dinner, while Virgil makes sure to visit Roman the next day to have a fun Disney marathon with just the two of them and gives Deceit some extra affectionate cuddles for the rest of the day to make up for it all.

And, when Thomas eventually finds out about the incident, he asks why nobody tried to stop Patton when he suddenly started throwing knives at everyone.

And Roman, Deceit, and Logan say that they just assumed Virgil would do something if he thought it was actually too dangerous.

And Virgil just says that he assumed Patton wouldn’t **actually** kill them even if they were real knives.

Probably.

"AW! That's so sweet! I love my dark strange son!"

Patton squeals as he launches himself at the darker side.

Virgil simply smiles and catches him, giving him an affectionate squeeze as the others laugh and roll their eyes.

And Thomas huffs a little.

He knows that Virgil is usually right when it comes to these kinds of things, but it sometimes surprises him that the being that is his actual **SURVIVAL INSTINCT** is willing to do things like let himself be chased down by someone throwing knives at him.

All because he's pretty sure they don't intend to **murder him on purpose**.

But it's fine, he supposes.

"C'mon, Kiddo! It's Deceit's turn to pick today, so let's get comfy while he and Logan set it all up."

Patton giggles a little as he pulls him down to sit between him and his best friend, outright laughing as Roman flops onto the couch on his other side.

Virgil smiles from his spot next to the host and wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer so that he's cuddled comfortably against his side.

"That's so kind of you, Patton. Thank you **so** much for the help. It's greatly appreciated."

Logan's voice drawls from the kitchen and Patton laughs hard enough to fall over onto Roman, who wraps his arms around him as he laughs alongside him.

Virgil snorts.

"Wow, I can feel the sarcasm from here."

His voice rumbles straight through Thomas' chest and makes him relax further into him as he lets out his own little chuckle.

Deceit sniffs and wipes a fake tear from his eye as he continues to prepare the movie.

"He's learning so fast. I'm so proud."

 _'Yeah.'_  

He thinks.

_'It's all fine.'_


End file.
